Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
