i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
