I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
