I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
