my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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