I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
