in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
