I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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