all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
