The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
