Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize