You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
