Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
