How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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