bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
