So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
