They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
