i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I look better un-naked...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize