Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
