good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize