ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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