i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
