she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
