I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize