She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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