My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
