yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
