Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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