i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
