he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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