You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
