haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
