so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
