i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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