forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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