Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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