I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
