Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
