yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
