I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
