ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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