You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
