Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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