Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
