I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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