You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
