my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
