News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
