I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
