How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
