PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
