Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
