Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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