I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize