I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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