you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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