please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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