you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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