this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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