my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Randomize
