Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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