in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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