i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
