So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
