He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
