I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
