Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my being single is dangerous.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize