he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
NoShamevember. You game?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
