Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
