Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
