i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
