Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
