I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
