It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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