Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
